It's time for a much needed update. In the past silence is usually a bad thing for me, but this time around it's certainly not. I am going strong despite a few stagnations and a few small gains (deserved and undeserved). But I am on track and ahead of my schedule (which I've already revised to be shorter than initially planned).
The biggest news of the month: I've finally hit 199(.6)lbs. I actually had a few tears when I saw the number because it's been a really long and hard struggle these past few years. Trying to find the motivation, trying to keep the motivation, just wanting to be like everyone else. I have never been this weight since being a child. Never. But it's also quite anti-climactic in that I don't feel any different from yesterday at 200.6lbs. Being in the one hundreds was a goal, but it's not the final one so there really is no stopping here to smell the roses. This body is still not where I want it to be (albeit, it's so much closer than even 4 months ago). So yes it's nice... nice to know I can do it (did do it), hopefully only 30-40lbs to go.. which if I keep going at this pace will be in another 5 months or so. I've given myself a schedule to make it to 163 (-37 more pounds) by Jan. 1/2012 which is 8 months away. I know it will get harder the closer I am to goal, so I'm just going to keep on like I've been keeping on. Take the days as they come (even if most days I just wish they'd come faster).
Boy stuff is still complicated and totally incomprehensible, so I won't really talk about it. I've spent WAY too much time thinking about something that doesn't really deserve the time. So on to better people (I hope).
I've signed up for a 10k race in early May. And I can do it. I've already run 10k routes twice now. And they are not completely flat routes. It's amazing how all my runs go... start of great in the first minute.. then hard, harder, easy, easy, medium, hills (harder), medium, medium, easy, medium. Once I get my breath in gear and my legs warmed up I usually feel pretty good the whole time (except for the f'ning hills). And having been able to run the 10k twice now, my mind keeps thinking of doing a half marathon someday. Maybe closer to the end of the year. It's amazing though to think that I couldn't run 2km straight last year at this time and now I am regularly running 4 times a week, about 30km and up to 10km per run. Sometimes I love my body and what it can do.
I love being able to tuck my knees close to my chest. I love wearing my pants and not having any rolls stick over them. I love getting rid of my 'big' clothes (I used to only have 'skinny' clothes). I love that my boobs stick out further than my stomach. I love my calves and how they get more and more defined each week. I love how my feet look skinnier. I love feeling strong and capable and that men should look at me. I love finding old things in my closet and how they look new on my new body. I love how I'm more confident in the bedroom. I love beating everyone's expectations of me. Especially that last one. I love beating my own expectations of myself.
So despite an intensely emotionally manic month, I am in a decent headspace at the moment. I can do this. I will do this.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Thank god for spring
I've been pretty seriously down in the dumps for the past week or so (yes... due to a boy) and it's been affecting my health and my ability to eat right.I really, really don't like admitting it much less living it, so I am happy to say that the bright - but coolish - spring day and my first outdoor run has at least taken my mind off the shitty parts of life. It's reminded me of what I am capable of and what I've been successfully doing for the past four (!!) months. And although running outdoors started out a bit tough, I really got my groove after the first kilometer. I ran just about 6.8km (4.25mi) total with only a slight walk after 4miles before booting it home. I was worried that I would run really slowly outdoors after being used to the treadmill pacing me, but it was actually just fine. I came in at about the same time as previous ~4.25mile runs and I like running at a varied pace anyway - putting my foot to the pavement with the music (although note to self: get some new music). I also secretly worried that I wouldn't be able to do it - run outside again, I mean. I remember how tough it was to slog on the treadmill after getting used to the outdoors, so I figured that going the opposite way would just be as difficult. And after all the effort I put into succeeding on the treadmill I really didn't want to go backwards and end up running slower and shorter distances than the boring-ass treadmill (I do seriously hate that thing). It would have crushed my already fragile spirit (temporarily so... but fragile nonetheless).
And no worries... I'm not actually eating horribly or anything. I'm eating well within calories, just not choosing the best options at the moment. And when I think about my boy situation it makes me want to eat just to get my mind off of it, but I haven't yet. Cheat days are still reserved for Sundays and that's the way they will stay. But the weight isn't falling off me like it was last week (I'm stuck at about 205), but that could easily be because I feel like ass (super stuffed up nose and super sore throat) and I'm achy... and I haven't been getting as much fibre and I haven't been uber drinking my water... so any idea of the goals until Sunday?
And no worries... I'm not actually eating horribly or anything. I'm eating well within calories, just not choosing the best options at the moment. And when I think about my boy situation it makes me want to eat just to get my mind off of it, but I haven't yet. Cheat days are still reserved for Sundays and that's the way they will stay. But the weight isn't falling off me like it was last week (I'm stuck at about 205), but that could easily be because I feel like ass (super stuffed up nose and super sore throat) and I'm achy... and I haven't been getting as much fibre and I haven't been uber drinking my water... so any idea of the goals until Sunday?
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Approaching the Goal
Still going strong... 5.2lbs away from being under 200lbs. The magical number under which I will be happy and healthy and infinitely confident. Right? I am starting to realize, the closer I get to that goal, that it's not actually a threshold point after which I will be different. Yes, I will be 5.2lbs thinner than I am today, but that's not a lot considering the journey I'm on. I have to get realistic with myself and realize that I am still going to be me when I reach that mini-goal. The same me with the bodily insecurities and flailing self-confidence that comes and goes as it pleases (sometimes even within minutes or hours). The same, but different because I'll be the me that reached this goal. A goal that I have had since Feb. 2007 when I started losing weight for good, but obviously well before then as well. I do not remember a specific point in my life when I crossed that border into obesity. Middle school? High school? I've been fat my whole life, it's just my ratio of weight to height has been different throughout. So I'll guess that I haven't been under 200lbs since the middle of high school. That's a long life to be obese for. Too long. Too much missed out on. **Just to get a sense of my history I went back through my old journals and found the earliest mention of weight, which was on Thursday February 1st, 2001. I was 230lbs and I was 15. Just before turning 16 I was 225.5lbs. Then I was back up to 232lbs in early January 2002. It makes me a little sad to go back into those thoughts and relive them, but that was my life. And I am happy to say that I am slowly but surely changing it.
And I'm in new territory from here on out - each one of these 5.2lbs will be fat that I have never lost before. It's exciting and still a little scary. I'm a little sad that I won't have many people to tell when I reach my under-200 goal, because I just don't talk about that milestone with them. I have never really wanted them to know the specifics. Yes, they have known I'm fat, but they didn't know to the extent or about all my failed attempts (despite seeing the failings on my body). I want this weight loss more than I ever have. I'm going to get it and I'll see it long before my goal date whether or not other people can celebrate with me. Two weeks maybe? Three at most ? I can't wait to see what each new weight will look like.
And I'm in new territory from here on out - each one of these 5.2lbs will be fat that I have never lost before. It's exciting and still a little scary. I'm a little sad that I won't have many people to tell when I reach my under-200 goal, because I just don't talk about that milestone with them. I have never really wanted them to know the specifics. Yes, they have known I'm fat, but they didn't know to the extent or about all my failed attempts (despite seeing the failings on my body). I want this weight loss more than I ever have. I'm going to get it and I'll see it long before my goal date whether or not other people can celebrate with me. Two weeks maybe? Three at most ? I can't wait to see what each new weight will look like.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Day one million seven hundred sixty-four thousand and forty two
Okay it's actually only been 1477 days... or 4 years and 16 days.
And still going pretty strong, well... since November (2010) anyway. I am a pound and a week ahead of my monthly goal, which is freaking fantastic. That means I have made two weight loss goals so far. When in the past, I never even made one. Down almost 50lbs (again),which means I am pretty damn close to my lowest weight; only 7lbs left to go. And 12.4lbs before I'm below 200. I still can't even imagine it. It gives me butterflies to think of it.
It also scares me to death.
To think that I have to do this for the rest of my life is a little frightening. That I have to exercise almost 10hours a week... forever, if not more. That I have to concentrate every single day on every morsel I stick down my gob.
But then, logically, I know that this should get easier (I remember it does). Eating well becomes second nature, the cravings begin for the fruits and vegetables and the homemade meals. Not that it's not easy to slip back into old habits; I've done it several times before and it's always the easier choice (sadly). But it becomes doable.
What really am I lamenting by spending all those hours exercising? That I'm not sitting at home on the couch watching episode after episode? That I'm not able to eat bag after bag of chips. That I can't eat whatever the hell I want, whenever I want? Jeez, what a selfish ass am I. I'm not missing out on anything by exercising. And what am I gaining? Endurance, muscles, flexibility, health, confidence.
I probably freak out about the same things year after year and it just ends up preventing me from reaching my goals. I have to allow myself to see that there is nothing to be afraid of in the this new life. And yes, it's hard. Even when it gets a little easier, I want to remember how hard these months were. Going to bed while being 'hungry' (or at least not completely full), seeing a commercial and thinking of all the food I want to eat and then immediately wanting to eat all of it, right then and there and having to tell myself no. Having to look up menus for restaurants days in advance to try to convince myself that I want the healthy dish, not the delicious fried option with extra fried. Having to choose every single day to go to the gym despite being ridiculously tired from working all day. And then to have to choose again to run the full 5k and more and then to run it a bit faster and then faster still. These are not EASY choices. Thank god some of them have become second nature; I automatically bring my gym clothes with me on Mondays and Tuesdays. I go to the gym to run through Grey's Anatomy on Thursdays. I take my lunch with me every single day and that always makes it easier - then I don't have to choose between the $2 french fries or the $6 sandwich. It's also important that I have been seeing pretty regular results. This would be harder if I didn't see much change over the 3+ months I've been doing it. But I also know how hard I've been working. I deserve the changes. I've sweat buckets for this loss... literally.
And still going pretty strong, well... since November (2010) anyway. I am a pound and a week ahead of my monthly goal, which is freaking fantastic. That means I have made two weight loss goals so far. When in the past, I never even made one. Down almost 50lbs (again),which means I am pretty damn close to my lowest weight; only 7lbs left to go. And 12.4lbs before I'm below 200. I still can't even imagine it. It gives me butterflies to think of it.
It also scares me to death.
To think that I have to do this for the rest of my life is a little frightening. That I have to exercise almost 10hours a week... forever, if not more. That I have to concentrate every single day on every morsel I stick down my gob.
But then, logically, I know that this should get easier (I remember it does). Eating well becomes second nature, the cravings begin for the fruits and vegetables and the homemade meals. Not that it's not easy to slip back into old habits; I've done it several times before and it's always the easier choice (sadly). But it becomes doable.
What really am I lamenting by spending all those hours exercising? That I'm not sitting at home on the couch watching episode after episode? That I'm not able to eat bag after bag of chips. That I can't eat whatever the hell I want, whenever I want? Jeez, what a selfish ass am I. I'm not missing out on anything by exercising. And what am I gaining? Endurance, muscles, flexibility, health, confidence.
I probably freak out about the same things year after year and it just ends up preventing me from reaching my goals. I have to allow myself to see that there is nothing to be afraid of in the this new life. And yes, it's hard. Even when it gets a little easier, I want to remember how hard these months were. Going to bed while being 'hungry' (or at least not completely full), seeing a commercial and thinking of all the food I want to eat and then immediately wanting to eat all of it, right then and there and having to tell myself no. Having to look up menus for restaurants days in advance to try to convince myself that I want the healthy dish, not the delicious fried option with extra fried. Having to choose every single day to go to the gym despite being ridiculously tired from working all day. And then to have to choose again to run the full 5k and more and then to run it a bit faster and then faster still. These are not EASY choices. Thank god some of them have become second nature; I automatically bring my gym clothes with me on Mondays and Tuesdays. I go to the gym to run through Grey's Anatomy on Thursdays. I take my lunch with me every single day and that always makes it easier - then I don't have to choose between the $2 french fries or the $6 sandwich. It's also important that I have been seeing pretty regular results. This would be harder if I didn't see much change over the 3+ months I've been doing it. But I also know how hard I've been working. I deserve the changes. I've sweat buckets for this loss... literally.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Above the Wreckage
Ugh... this is the first time where my Sunday eat-fest has turned a little sour. And by sour, I mean that my entire abdomen hurts. I don't think it's as much the amount I ate, as much as how I ate it (i.e. almost all at once). The plan I had started off the weekend with did not exactly pan out (and we know how much I love that) so I kept having to re-evaluate. It left me without a workable Sunday binge, which is actually worse than having a plan.
I visited my mother on Saturday morning and spent the whole day with her where I had to choose a side salad over fries, a sandwich over burger, no popcorn at the movies (although, I did have share smarties and twizzlers but stopped before they were finished). Afterwards, I went to visit my dad with the intention of running on the treadmill before the night was over, staying the night (a snowfall made driving back a little treacherous) and hurrying back to weigh-in and get the day started. Well... my brother and his family were actually going to stop by dad's as well (and stay the night), and dad and I got into a long discussion on investments and investing (I didn't want to stop our father-daughter bonding over the treadmill). When my brother arrived, we got into a long discussion-argument that lasted until 1am. No treadmill that night, but I also didn't eat anything in that house (and there were oreos, cookies, ice cream).
I woke up the next morning and with my niece and nephew looking on, I ran 4 miles (3 straight, and then intervals for the rest). I had to avoid food (dad had made muffins and fruit salad for breakfast) until I could weigh-in. I thought about just taking my weight from yesterday, but I am a stubborn, stubborn fool and when I'm in a routine, I refuse to leave it when I can. So... it was a full morning before I could get home and weigh-in, which means no good breakfast to start me off right. And to top off all the hard work I put in just for weigh-in day, I weighed in at the same weight as yesterday. So, whatever. I'm still perfectly satisfied with the weigh-in. I'm ahead of schedule by about 2lbs.
And as for right now... ugh.. I hope to never mix chocolate, chips and dip, potato wedges and yogurt. I'm happy to say I didn't eat all of it, but I had some of it (a good amount of it) until things hurt. Luckily my stomach can't hold as much as it used to, otherwise I might have finished it all off. My initial thought on the day was that I really didn't feel like any of the food I had craved during the week, and I should have left it that way. But I couldn't let myself let that free day go without taking advantage. I mean, how would I get through two whole weeks without getting my fix? What a stupid mindset, but like I said last post - I'm not ready to fully give it up yet. To start introducing that type of food sporadically throughout the month is frightening!
I visited my mother on Saturday morning and spent the whole day with her where I had to choose a side salad over fries, a sandwich over burger, no popcorn at the movies (although, I did have share smarties and twizzlers but stopped before they were finished). Afterwards, I went to visit my dad with the intention of running on the treadmill before the night was over, staying the night (a snowfall made driving back a little treacherous) and hurrying back to weigh-in and get the day started. Well... my brother and his family were actually going to stop by dad's as well (and stay the night), and dad and I got into a long discussion on investments and investing (I didn't want to stop our father-daughter bonding over the treadmill). When my brother arrived, we got into a long discussion-argument that lasted until 1am. No treadmill that night, but I also didn't eat anything in that house (and there were oreos, cookies, ice cream).
I woke up the next morning and with my niece and nephew looking on, I ran 4 miles (3 straight, and then intervals for the rest). I had to avoid food (dad had made muffins and fruit salad for breakfast) until I could weigh-in. I thought about just taking my weight from yesterday, but I am a stubborn, stubborn fool and when I'm in a routine, I refuse to leave it when I can. So... it was a full morning before I could get home and weigh-in, which means no good breakfast to start me off right. And to top off all the hard work I put in just for weigh-in day, I weighed in at the same weight as yesterday. So, whatever. I'm still perfectly satisfied with the weigh-in. I'm ahead of schedule by about 2lbs.
And as for right now... ugh.. I hope to never mix chocolate, chips and dip, potato wedges and yogurt. I'm happy to say I didn't eat all of it, but I had some of it (a good amount of it) until things hurt. Luckily my stomach can't hold as much as it used to, otherwise I might have finished it all off. My initial thought on the day was that I really didn't feel like any of the food I had craved during the week, and I should have left it that way. But I couldn't let myself let that free day go without taking advantage. I mean, how would I get through two whole weeks without getting my fix? What a stupid mindset, but like I said last post - I'm not ready to fully give it up yet. To start introducing that type of food sporadically throughout the month is frightening!
Friday, February 4, 2011
Now We're Getting Somewhere
I hate when things don't go exactly as planned.
Even if those plans were merely confirmed in my head, without asking anyone else. My friend is having her birthday dinner tonight... first it was planned to be at a brew pub where I had decided to get a portobello mushroom burger with a strawberry spinach salad. BUT, last minute change... it's now a British pub with seriously British foodstuffs. My only semi-decent option is a BLT, or ice cream because I can sort of control the damage. But we aren't going until 8pm, and really by then my dinner has come and gone and it's practically bedtime (yes... I'm 80). So I've decided to go for some white wine. And maybe some ice cream if I really need it.
And then my friends cancelled, meaning I have to converse with the 'other' friends, who I have previously decided I don't like because they are haughty, drama-filled fakes. Maybe they've changed in 4 years, but I'm going to go out on my judgmental limb and say no. Bah...so what I had anticipated as a great evening, may turn out a little quieter on my end. That's okay. I am young, I should get out more often anyways. I will deal.
I had one super positive choice this week (among a plethora of normal-positive choices). I had a long moment where I felt 'hungry' and I thought of all the different ways I could take those mini eggs and chocolate-covered raisins (hidden in the cupboard above the fridge) and stuff my face... or even just taste them. I didn't really need them, but I wanted them. I wanted to be 'allowed' to have them. Although, I was worried that if I let myself eat even one... well for me, it leads to more. So I sat there, thinking about it. Thinking about how it would taste, what it would do for me. And I kept figuring that it wasn't worth me going over calories for (whether or not I was going to exercise). I have been doing so well this year and I didn't want a bit of boredom and avoidance to be my downfall. If I'm going to screw-up, I want it to be for something good. So I'm waiting until my cheat day to have those treats tucked conveniently away.
Now this brings up some not-so positive thoughts.... like that I'm not ready to trust myself with food. Well specifically that I'm not quite ready to trust myself with food that I'm not 'supposed' to be eating. I'm going to work on it, learn to love smaller portions of chips and candy, but that's going to be a tough road methinks. I'm reading Women Food and God, and at the very least it's giving me a little insight into what I should be paying attention to for me to get this weight off for good. But that's all another post for another day.
Even if those plans were merely confirmed in my head, without asking anyone else. My friend is having her birthday dinner tonight... first it was planned to be at a brew pub where I had decided to get a portobello mushroom burger with a strawberry spinach salad. BUT, last minute change... it's now a British pub with seriously British foodstuffs. My only semi-decent option is a BLT, or ice cream because I can sort of control the damage. But we aren't going until 8pm, and really by then my dinner has come and gone and it's practically bedtime (yes... I'm 80). So I've decided to go for some white wine. And maybe some ice cream if I really need it.
And then my friends cancelled, meaning I have to converse with the 'other' friends, who I have previously decided I don't like because they are haughty, drama-filled fakes. Maybe they've changed in 4 years, but I'm going to go out on my judgmental limb and say no. Bah...so what I had anticipated as a great evening, may turn out a little quieter on my end. That's okay. I am young, I should get out more often anyways. I will deal.
I had one super positive choice this week (among a plethora of normal-positive choices). I had a long moment where I felt 'hungry' and I thought of all the different ways I could take those mini eggs and chocolate-covered raisins (hidden in the cupboard above the fridge) and stuff my face... or even just taste them. I didn't really need them, but I wanted them. I wanted to be 'allowed' to have them. Although, I was worried that if I let myself eat even one... well for me, it leads to more. So I sat there, thinking about it. Thinking about how it would taste, what it would do for me. And I kept figuring that it wasn't worth me going over calories for (whether or not I was going to exercise). I have been doing so well this year and I didn't want a bit of boredom and avoidance to be my downfall. If I'm going to screw-up, I want it to be for something good. So I'm waiting until my cheat day to have those treats tucked conveniently away.
Now this brings up some not-so positive thoughts.... like that I'm not ready to trust myself with food. Well specifically that I'm not quite ready to trust myself with food that I'm not 'supposed' to be eating. I'm going to work on it, learn to love smaller portions of chips and candy, but that's going to be a tough road methinks. I'm reading Women Food and God, and at the very least it's giving me a little insight into what I should be paying attention to for me to get this weight off for good. But that's all another post for another day.
Monday, January 31, 2011
To Build A Home
So it's been a while, eh? I've been... 'away' let's say. Out of town emotionally, mentally and very physically.
Looking back, I can honestly say 2010 just wasn't my year. Although neither was 2009. But really not 2010. Good things happened, but my overall feeling on the end of the year was just 'good riddance.' It never felt right. I never got my old confidence back, despite all that I accomplished.
My friend and I had started a secret, private blog in November 2009 for our weight loss efforts, which for me went nowhere. Well, I lost a whopping 8lbs in the 10 super-long months, but then gained it back... and in a much shorter timeline. We continued the blog this past November for some more weight-loss efforts and for whatever reason... I'm back. I feel back. I've been back on the wagon since mid-November (even prior to getting back to the blog). I have absolutely no idea what caused it- maybe I just got sick of myself? I really don't know and I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. I won't dwell though. I'm doing it, so that's all that matters.
Sooo... An outline of my new plan:
1. The Numbers: started at 233.6lbs on Nov. 14/09 and currently stand at 216.6lbs. Loss of 17lbs!
2. What I am Doing (as of Jan 2/11): Weighing almost daily with minor weigh-ins on Saturday mornings (for my friend blog) and Sunday morning (for me) and with major weigh-ins on the last Sunday of every month. I get my cheat day on Sundays where I essentially eat whatever I want or have been craving during the week (usually chips and chocolate). I get right back to work on Mondays. I work out most days of the week at my gym at work (which is free!). I run and do strength training (some of the days) and am slowly incorporating other forms of exercise, like the bike. I calorie count every day except my cheat days (and even then I try, but don't pay too close attention). I have a 1lb/week goal and hope to meet that each and every month-end to get me *almost* to goal by the beginning of 2012. It's really, really doable. Four pounds in a month - it's not even the slightest bit daunting.
My first challenge was in January where (due to a little gain over the holidays) and wanting to jump-start the process this year, I had a goal of about 10lbs. And with a lot of hard work, especially last week, I made it down to 217 (216.6lbs to be exact) on my goal date of January 30th. Next up: 213 on Feb. 27. It was exceptionally important for me to meet this goal. It put me on a great footing for the rest of the monthly goals. I don't think I've ever met a weight-timeline goal; I usually self-sabotage, so this is a huge step for me. Huge. I'm aiming for more weight loss, but 4lbs will put me exactly where I should be in (now) only 11 months' time. Anything more is just gravy.
Looking back, I can honestly say 2010 just wasn't my year. Although neither was 2009. But really not 2010. Good things happened, but my overall feeling on the end of the year was just 'good riddance.' It never felt right. I never got my old confidence back, despite all that I accomplished.
My friend and I had started a secret, private blog in November 2009 for our weight loss efforts, which for me went nowhere. Well, I lost a whopping 8lbs in the 10 super-long months, but then gained it back... and in a much shorter timeline. We continued the blog this past November for some more weight-loss efforts and for whatever reason... I'm back. I feel back. I've been back on the wagon since mid-November (even prior to getting back to the blog). I have absolutely no idea what caused it- maybe I just got sick of myself? I really don't know and I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. I won't dwell though. I'm doing it, so that's all that matters.
Sooo... An outline of my new plan:
1. The Numbers: started at 233.6lbs on Nov. 14/09 and currently stand at 216.6lbs. Loss of 17lbs!
2. What I am Doing (as of Jan 2/11): Weighing almost daily with minor weigh-ins on Saturday mornings (for my friend blog) and Sunday morning (for me) and with major weigh-ins on the last Sunday of every month. I get my cheat day on Sundays where I essentially eat whatever I want or have been craving during the week (usually chips and chocolate). I get right back to work on Mondays. I work out most days of the week at my gym at work (which is free!). I run and do strength training (some of the days) and am slowly incorporating other forms of exercise, like the bike. I calorie count every day except my cheat days (and even then I try, but don't pay too close attention). I have a 1lb/week goal and hope to meet that each and every month-end to get me *almost* to goal by the beginning of 2012. It's really, really doable. Four pounds in a month - it's not even the slightest bit daunting.
My first challenge was in January where (due to a little gain over the holidays) and wanting to jump-start the process this year, I had a goal of about 10lbs. And with a lot of hard work, especially last week, I made it down to 217 (216.6lbs to be exact) on my goal date of January 30th. Next up: 213 on Feb. 27. It was exceptionally important for me to meet this goal. It put me on a great footing for the rest of the monthly goals. I don't think I've ever met a weight-timeline goal; I usually self-sabotage, so this is a huge step for me. Huge. I'm aiming for more weight loss, but 4lbs will put me exactly where I should be in (now) only 11 months' time. Anything more is just gravy.
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