Leave It Alone

Weight: 229lbs (-0.2)

I just wanted to check in, make sure my blog was doing alright. I, personally, am doing just fine and dandy, especially since being offered that position (which I honestly never thought would happen). Even while I was on the phone with my boss I was waiting for him to give me the bad news and for me to have to ask how I could improve in future interviews and suffer through the criticism. So such a load off... but also, to be honest, quite a load right back on again. Adult life and responsibility is scary and although I know I'll do just fine, it still terrifies me. I definitely did not sleep again last night, which is a horrible habit to get into when I have to start training my body to get up long before 9am in the near future (one week).

And despite the weight moving very very slowly, I am doing just fine in that aspect too. Food has gotten pretty easy at the moment (although, I probably just jinxed it), where most of the time I am too busy thinking to eat. Thinking about the future, money, everything I have to organize before I start work, exercise, when I should start strength training, little things like going through my thousands of digital pictures to find ones I want to get printed, writing in the blog, weighing myself, etc... The days go by surprisingly quickly.

I finally quit my membership to Goodlife yesterday. I say 'finally' because I haven't used the gym in months and months; it's such a waste of money at the moment. The woman cancelling my account tried to give one last ditch effort at both keeping me and teaching me something, but I resisted because that's what I do. She tried to tell me to try cutting out dairy because how we aren't meant to eat it once we are weaned... but no thanks. I like dairy, I enjoy eating dairy and I definitely did not get fat because of dairy. I personally would prefer to eat dairy than 10 cups of broccoli (I made that number up). I think I resented her suddenly taking an interest in me, assuming she knew things about me when she had never met me before. One of her questions was 'have you heard of sparkpeople?' Ha... yes... I've been getting their emails for years. I also have been tracking calories online for over 3 years, on paper for 2 years before that, blogging about weight for 3 years (minus the good 10 months where I ignored the blog). I have gained and lost and gained and lost... and she just sees me in that one brief moment - thinks 'quitter,' perhaps? 'Still fat'? She also told me take some classes... learn the basics, despite the fact that I told her 'I do NOT like classes'. I have never liked them... but she told me to do it anyway. Like I can't find any basics on the internet... or like I don't know anything about this stuff already. Beyond making me angry, it made me a little sad that this is what I am portraying right now. But it won't be like that forever. I'll continue to lose weight - even if it's by fraction's of a pound - getting stronger and faster and I'll show them that I can do it (because I'll be honest, it's not only for me).